You know you’re living in Delhi when…

You blow your nose and the tissue has black residue
You’re trying to board the Metro and a 70 year-old, 4ft 6 woman is digging her elbow into your spine
You’re eating finger-lickin good chicken malai tikka kebabs in Khan Market
The Ambience shopping mall (1KM long) feels like a different country. Where was the passport check?
The passenger capacity in a car (or on a bike) equals 2 times the number of seats plus one. Ex. Baby, Husband, 3- year old, Wife and 7-year old on a bike (in that order).
Your heart sinks because a homeless guy with no legs comes up to your auto at an intersection and asks for “khana” (food) but you can’t give it to him because it only feeds the system (see Slumdog)
You can drive by hundreds of people living in shacks and then have a cocktail at the luxurious Imperial hotel.
Seeing a cow on a main thoroughfare like Ring Road or a market like Sorajini becomes the rule rather than the exception
The power goes out in the middle of taking a shower. F*&%.
The highlight of your day is eating Non-Veg at Moet’s in Defense Colony Market
A cup of chai tea only costs 10 cents
“Not spicy” from a waiter or Indian friend means you should definitely have a glass of water, juice or a cold beer nearby
The ratio of men:women anywhere outside is at least 7:1, but prob 10:1
Traffic is held up by: a) a Cow crossing the road b) the simultaneous interweaving of trucks, cycle rickshaws, cars, vans, bikes, and autorickshaws c) random piles of bricks, dirt, and stones on the side or middle of the road d) a wedding procession on the side of the road e) beggars knocking on car windows f)all of the above
You can go an entire day without seeing a white person. Don’t worry it’s not lonely, everyone is staring at you
The nicest bathroom you’ve seen all day is in the movie theater
Fresh air, wait, what is that?
You can do all your vegetable shopping from the cart that comes through the neighborhood
Negotiating is as much of a necessity as breathing
Lodhi Gardens is the Garden of Eden. Seriously. (See pics below)